Exhausted...

I’ve got to say that I really don’t know what to make of this day. I am completely exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Let me start with the positives of the day.
Positive #1: After 3 hours in Specials Lab we were able to get the broviac in a femoral vein in Elaina’s left leg. Yay! Best choice out of what we had to choose from. She now has 2 lumens for medications, etc. Her RA’s (lines put into her aorta at surgery) are coming out tomorrow.

Positive #2: Cath Lab was also today, and Dr Gray was able to access the “plump collateral” that we’re hoping was causing all the problems. He put a coil in it and now we’re just waiting for it to clot off (can you imagine, I’m praying for clots…).

Positive #3: Her gases are slowing improving. Well, she’s only had 3 since she got back from cath lab. The numbers that they are the most worried about are her PO2’s (partial pressure of oxygen in the blood) and her blood saturations. Normal PO2’s are between 60 &100. They want her saturations in the 80’s or above.
4:30 blood gas: PO2 31 Saturation 51
8:30 blood gas: PO2 34 Saturation 63
12:30 blood gas: PO2 38 Saturation 69
So she’s making progress. All I can do is pray that this continues and that we’ve found the underlying cause of her poor oxygenation.

Now, the not so positive parts of the day. The broviac is in Elaina's left femoral vein. Her left femoral artery is the one that was damaged by the art line earlier this week. Her circulation is very poor in this leg. We still can't find a pulse in her ankle or her foot and her foot is very dusky with sluggish capillary refill. It was warmer tonight than it was this afternoon, but it's still got a long way to go. THEN, I was given “THE talk” by the doctors and Palliative Care. If the procedure that was done in Cath Lab is not successful, if her oxygenation does not improve, there is not much that can be done to make things better. Elaina is currently on full support on the ventilator. They could possibly go a little higher on the nitric oxide, but it probably wouldn’t make a significant difference. There are still 2 collaterals that they were not able to coil. I’m not sure if this is because they were too small or if it’s because they are in a spot that the catheter couldn’t get to. Right now, they are not much of an issue, but if the blood flow “plumps” them up we could be right back where we are now. Also, because of all of this, they are concerned that there is just too much stress on her heart and they want me to think about what I want to have done if her heart stops. I also need to think about what I would do if this procedure doesn’t work and her saturations continue to drop. There were no surgical interventions offered to me. So, I may possibly have to make the hardest decision of my life. Needless to say, most of my day was spent in tears and in prayer. I would like to ask everyone if they would be willing to have a special fast for Elaina on Sunday. I know that God can work miracles. I know that He can heal the sick. Please join with me in her behalf on Sunday.

Now that I’ve depressed everyone, I’d like to close on a more positive note. The reason that I was so late posting was that I was finally able to hold my sweet precious Elaina for 3 whole hours tonight!!!!!!! This is the first time I’ve been able to hold her since June 11th. It was a beautiful, tender experience for both of us.