Saturday, July 05, 2008

4th of July

I cannot believe that it is already the 4th of July. It seems like there was just snow on the ground yesterday and now it's blazing hot. Of course that's what happens when you live inside a hospital for almost seven weeks! :)
Today was fairly uneventful, but slightly discouraging. Elaina's gases did not continue to improve. In fact the best gas that I posted last night was the best one since her procedure. On the same token, she's not deteriorating either. She's maintaining, and at the moment, that's good for me.
I had a very difficult start to my day. I had truly hoped that I would wake up and that I would see continued signs of improvement, and when I found out that her oxygenation had not continued to improve I pretty much fell apart. As I was hiding in my corner crying, one of the chaplains came in and without asking any questions she pulled up a chair and cried with me. She asked me if I wanted to have some Elders from my church come and give me a blessing. Before she could even leave to arrange this for me, the family (Hillary, Ryan and Daxton Cook) in the next bed space came in. They are also a heart family and are going through their own personal struggles. (Thank you SO much Hillary for holding my hand while I cried). They are also members of my religion and Ryan (with the assistance of Hillary's Grandfather) offered to give both Elaina and I a blessing. Elaina was blessed with comfort, she was blessed with healing and was told that she was in the company of many angels. In my blessing I was told to have faith and patience. To have faith in Elaina, in the doctors and nurses and in our Father in Heaven. I was also blessed with peace that I would be able to make the right choices not only for Elaina but for my family in the days to come. Almost immediately my spirits were lifted and I was able to feel comforted. After much prayer today I feel that we just need to give Elaina more time. Expecting her to rebound instantly is just asking too much of her tired little body. Not only has she been through so much in her short little life, she has been through numerous procedures in just the past 2 days. She is such a fighter and is fighting a most noble battle. She amazes me and I feel so blessed to be her mother. I do not know what the outcome will be, but Elaina and I will go through this together and I know that our Savior will be carrying us through it.
I was able to have another beautiful (and extremely emotional) experience tonight. For those of you who are not familiar with Primary Children's, it is in the foothills of the Salt Lake valley. This means that there is truly a panoramic view of the Salt Lake Valley from the west side of the hospital. My parents brought Ben over tonight and we parked on the top of the parking terrace and watched a number of fireworks displays. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed spending some time with them. Before we went and watched the fireworks, we came in and visited with Elaina. My nurse arranged for a small couch to be pulled into our bed space and I was once again able to hold Elaina, this time with Ben next to me. Ben snuggled up close and he and I sang Elaina a lullaby. It was very precious. My Mom took pictures and a small video clip. I was pretty emotional and cried through most of it. I've been a total bawl baby for the past couple of days. I guess I'm entitled, all things considered.
Anyway, the doctor is talking about maybe taking her off the paralytics a little bit on Saturday, but for the most part we're going to let Elaina tell us what we need to do for her. Thanks to all who read this for the love and support during this time. I'm continuing to pray for our own little miracle.

11 comments:

ssbiasutti said...

Hollie,
I am speechless and absolutely broken hearted for you right now. Elaina is such a beautiful baby! I stopped by the PICU to see if you were there around 4:00 but they said they couldn't find a patient named Elaina Gomez. I wasn't sure if you had been transferred to somewhere else in the hospital or what. I am so sorry for all the pain you must be going through. Thank God you were able to hold your sweet baby and have some time just for the 2 of you. I know we have never met but I am following Elaina's progress daily and I would love to help in any way if you need something. I'm also at the hospital every single day with Stella. We're in the NICU bed 30 if you just want to talk or just need a hug. Your strength is incredible! Keep fighting Elaina, you are loved by some many!
Sara Biasutti

Isabella said...

Hollie,
Your faith is amazing and I could just feel your love for Elaina and the Lord pouring out of this post. It brought me back to the days when Isabella was so sick and we were left in the unknown.
We are praying for a healing and for peace and comfort.
Love and Prayers Alaways
Megan

Vaeh's Blog said...

I was so saddened to read that she has not made any improvement over the night, BUT she hasn't gotten worse! There's always hope:0)!! I am truly amazed by your strength & faith through this journey. You are an inspiration to all of us!

You have every right to be a "bawl baby" in this situation. You cannot hold your feelings & emotions in or you'd go crazy!

Know that we continue to keep you in our prayers & stand with you in believing for a miracle for Elaina. We're sending our love & prayers across the miles to all of you!

Kathy said...

Hollie,

Did you know that we're LDS too?? Anyway, I'm glad that someone was able to give YOU and Elaina a blessing...to give you peace that you need to get through these tough days.

Your princess is a fighter...and she isn't finished fighting...so, keep fighting with her.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that your nurses keep letting you hold her...that just melts me heart...they must be very compassionate at that hospital (or..you're giving them evil eyes until they cave!)

and how wonderful that Ben was able to visit also...sooo sweet.

If the docs are not doing any new procedures...do they send her records to other docs for new recommendations?? Because, you know that I LOVE my Dr. Hanley at Stanford..and he is THE MAN for tof w/ mapca babies (that's why we travel so far for him). I was just wondering.

I hope this day shows baby step improvements for Elaina...

You guys are still in our prayers.
Love,
Kathy

bmann said...

Hollie,
I'm so sorry things aren't going great for Elaina. It really does break my heart. She has made it through so much I believe she will keep fighting. You must be feeling so awful but I'm glad you were able to feel some peace after your blessing. We are thinking about you often and will be fasting for Elaina and your family on Sunday.
Diane Mann

Cynthia said...

Holding sweet Elaina is so good for you and for her. I'm so glad you were finally able to, and I hope you get to hold her a lot more. The first time I was able to hold my Ben after his heart surgery (also tet) is one of my most precious memories.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
{[hugs]]

Amber said...

I've been away for a couple of days and just caught up on your blog. I am so sorry to hear about the craziness that has taken place! You are both so strong! I'm glad that you have people that can physically hold you and be with you right now. You and your baby have not left my thoughts and prayers.....hold on.
amber

Vanessa said...

I'm so glad they are letting you hold Elaina! You seem to be in wonderful hands there. I could picture you all three sitting on the cough together...what a sight!!

How exciting to take Ben to watch the fireworks! I'm sure it's hard to be away from him so much, so take advantage of those moments.

Love,

Vanessa

Gourley Family said...

What a day. I know that there are angels attending to little Elaina and you. I am somewhat sure that my angels are part of that angel group that attend to your family. We will continue to pray for your family!
Heart hugs,
Emily and Mike

Stephanie said...

I am praying for Elaina and you today. She HAS been through a lot and she is still here, isn't she? Give her time. Give GOD time to work his healing. I remember being on the same emotional rollercoaster that you are one right now. I'm glad that you have friends to share your grief. Try to find some time to spend alone with your Savior as well. Much Love.

HeatherH said...

Hollie,

I am brokenhearted at reading about Elaina over the last few days. Please know that we are praying for you and her, and I think of you every day. Whatever we can do, don't ever hesitate to call.

Heather