I cannot believe that it is already the 4th of July. It seems like there was just snow on the ground yesterday and now it's blazing hot. Of course that's what happens when you live inside a hospital for almost seven weeks! :)
Today was fairly uneventful, but slightly discouraging. Elaina's gases did not continue to improve. In fact the best gas that I posted last night was the best one since her procedure. On the same token, she's not deteriorating either. She's maintaining, and at the moment, that's good for me.
I had a very difficult start to my day. I had truly hoped that I would wake up and that I would see continued signs of improvement, and when I found out that her oxygenation had not continued to improve I pretty much fell apart. As I was hiding in my corner crying, one of the chaplains came in and without asking any questions she pulled up a chair and cried with me. She asked me if I wanted to have some Elders from my church come and give me a blessing. Before she could even leave to arrange this for me, the family (Hillary, Ryan and Daxton Cook) in the next bed space came in. They are also a heart family and are going through their own personal struggles. (Thank you SO much Hillary for holding my hand while I cried). They are also members of my religion and Ryan (with the assistance of Hillary's Grandfather) offered to give both Elaina and I a blessing. Elaina was blessed with comfort, she was blessed with healing and was told that she was in the company of many angels. In my blessing I was told to have faith and patience. To have faith in Elaina, in the doctors and nurses and in our Father in Heaven. I was also blessed with peace that I would be able to make the right choices not only for Elaina but for my family in the days to come. Almost immediately my spirits were lifted and I was able to feel comforted. After much prayer today I feel that we just need to give Elaina more time. Expecting her to rebound instantly is just asking too much of her tired little body. Not only has she been through so much in her short little life, she has been through numerous procedures in just the past 2 days. She is such a fighter and is fighting a most noble battle. She amazes me and I feel so blessed to be her mother. I do not know what the outcome will be, but Elaina and I will go through this together and I know that our Savior will be carrying us through it.
I was able to have another beautiful (and extremely emotional) experience tonight. For those of you who are not familiar with Primary Children's, it is in the foothills of the Salt Lake valley. This means that there is truly a panoramic view of the Salt Lake Valley from the west side of the hospital. My parents brought Ben over tonight and we parked on the top of the parking terrace and watched a number of fireworks displays. It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed spending some time with them. Before we went and watched the fireworks, we came in and visited with Elaina. My nurse arranged for a small couch to be pulled into our bed space and I was once again able to hold Elaina, this time with Ben next to me. Ben snuggled up close and he and I sang Elaina a lullaby. It was very precious. My Mom took pictures and a small video clip. I was pretty emotional and cried through most of it. I've been a total bawl baby for the past couple of days. I guess I'm entitled, all things considered.
Anyway, the doctor is talking about maybe taking her off the paralytics a little bit on Saturday, but for the most part we're going to let Elaina tell us what we need to do for her. Thanks to all who read this for the love and support during this time. I'm continuing to pray for our own little miracle.